There was a cloud, or actually an opening in the clouds, that looked like a christmas tree. Should I take this as a sign from god? "Be jolly and celebrate the birth of my son you miserable fart".. But then, I can't remember reading about decorating pine trees to celebrate the birth of Jesus in the bible.. Maybe I just missed that part - which would be easy since I haven't actually read the entire bible.. I've skimmed it... Will read it soon.. (yeah right.. heard that before..)

So 2005 is coming to an end.. god how depressing.. Or maybe I shoud be happy this year is finally over. Maybe the next one will be better. At least I will be out of school this next year.. So I can be a miserable and unemployed instead of miserable, unemployed and in school.. At least one less thing to moan about.. But then what am I if I don't have anything to complain about.. Sad but true..

Ok, so 2005 haven't been that bad. I mean I got away from Oslo for a while.. Saw some polar bears and whaleross(rosses??), made some new friends, got to play auntie to a one year old boy and see him growing up, learned some new things, went to some good concerts, read some good books, saw Dylan Moran, moved.. but then.. I'm still just as confused and dissatisfied with where I am as always. A guy I know died in a car crash. He was on the brink of greatness and then poof. Gone. Shit like that makes you think. Sounds a bit preachy - You know all that be all you can be, sieze the day shit.. But it is really true. I mean if I die tomorrow I will be really pissed. Now, I don't want to live to be a hundred, but I hope that I'm somewhat content and satisfied with my life when I go.. But even a wake up call like that about how short life is hasn't made me go out and do what I want to do.. Maybe because I don't really know want I to do... Think I'm too scared. Being in school and complaining about it is like my security blanket. As long as I have that I don't have to deal with real life..

The last couple of years I haven't bothered celebrating new years eve because most of the previous ones has been absolutely shit. All the pressure on this one party is too much, so people drink way too much and pass out before we've even entered the new year.. But this year I agreed to come out of hiding to join some friends for 'dinner'. I say 'dinner' because they are serving turkey, and me being a vegetarian I'm not sure if I actually will get any food.. No, she said there will be something I can eat there too.. But that can mean many things.. Ah well, I have wine... who needs food. God knows I've eaten enough this christmas. Or should I say holiday since I'm not religious..(then I probably shouldn't have written 'god knows' just now.. But I'm not an atheist, I call myself an agnostic..the only thing I know is that I don't know.. So I guess I should write, 'God (if he/she/it exists) knows'. I actually think being anything but agnostic is a bit arrogant.. How can you possibly know that there is a god, or that there isn't? But I won't go into that right now)

As for resolutions.. I find the whole practice totatlly asinie.. But I still make some each year.. Actually, I think I've had the same ones for like 6 years or so..
Read more, travel, get a job, learn to play an instrument, learn another language, lose weight, find my passion(or at least something I really want to do)..get happy..
So in 2005.. I read more.. but still not that much, got out once, still only summerjob and a short TA job, crappy as always on the guitar and didn't even manage to get one single sound out of the sax, I can now say 'porcupine' in spanish. But with the addition of that word, most of my german has had to go, I've probably gained weight, still confused.. and miserable..

I'll stop whining for this year now..Don't think I've ever complained quite as much in any of the previous posts. I usually run out of words after five sentences. Well, if anyone is actually reading this crap - have a happy new year.